Hey babe, come here often? 😉
Because I apparently don’t HAH!
But really. I hope everyone out there is having a healthy transition into fall(see what I did there?) I know the change of seasons can bring wonderful things like pretty leaves and apple cider, but also the bittersweet goodbye kiss of summer, and the frosty embrace of winter. I usually get a pretty stong dose of the SAD(seasonal affective disorder.) A lack of vitamin D from the sun does some serious damage to my mood and often leads to emo hermiting in my room all winter. Not something I look forward to.
For that reason I have decided just now(15 minutes ago) to reach out to friends and potential new friends to forge new bonds to get through the winter months and improve my life in general. Being alone all the time sucks.
Something interesting that I have been contemplating is the idea that I am actually an extrovert with severe social anxiety. The topic came up in conversation with the girl I have been dating recently and it challenges a pretty basic thing I though I knew about myself. But apparently not.
I am going to go take a nice hot bath and shave my legs, you may hear from me sooner than later! ^-^
This is me on a trip into Boston shortly after dying my hair again. Even though I am a natural red head I like to make it extra red from time to time. My brother and I went into Boston to see our old High School perform “On the Verge” at the state finals of the One Acts Drama Festival. The theater teacher who works at the high school had a huge influence on both me and my brother as we passed through high school.
I am trying to get bits and pieces of my website updated as many of my pages are outdated. For example I haven’t touched my gallery in a year or two. Today I finished a much needed update on my breast development page. You can see my updated breast development timeline here (WARNING: Partial Nudity). I was pretty discouraged with my development until I saw my most recent pictures next to the images from when I first started. My breasts have grown a TON! Looking at my other timelines reveals that I have changed in many more ways than I thought.
I looked at this image of my facial hair before starting electrolysis and hormones and I cringed remembering what all that facial hair felt like. I still get facial hair, but I only have to shave every 2-3 days. That mustache and goatee are horrrrrible!
Anyways, I have been trudging through life without really doing anything. Weekly therapy, video games, netflix, and visiting friends is pretty much my whole existence right now. I have been selling collars on my etsy shop, which I got my business cards for! I am impressed by how well they came out. The cards themselves are durable and the detail looks wonderful. I am very happy with them. I opted for the premium double sided cards and it costed around $20-30, which isn’t too bad for 250 cards. You can get 250 for free from Vista Print. Check mine out below.
I am going to focus on my timeline pictures next and should have that up by the end of the week. In the mean time I am going to look at jobs and think about where I want to go from here. Depression has been beating me down lately and it is time I pulled myself out of it. The beautiful weather outside will definitely help. 🙂
This is just going to be a quick entry for the sake of helping out a boy in need.
I recently found out about a boy who’s mother is fighting for custody for her son, Jake, who’s father has filed a lawsuit for full costody because the mother is supporting their child’s chosen gender. It makes me sick that a father would actively force a child to obey his opinion of what gender they should be by taking them away from their only supporting parent.
It is disgusting.
So I ask that you donate what you can to help this boy. Even if you are not financially able to donate, it would be wonderful if you could share Jake’s story and spread the word.
Hi guys, I hope everyone is doing well. The weather is finally starting to get nice and I am excited to finally be able to go outside. (I don’t do enough of that.)
I haven’t been doing much lately, mostly thinking, making jewelry, hanging out with friends, and playing Guild Wars 2. I have started seeing my girlfriend again. We are patching things together, hopefully we will grow from our experiences in the future.
Another thing I am working on is deciding my path for the future. I do not think going back to school right now would be in my best interest. That leaves me to finding a job, or some sort of apprenticeship/internship in the field I am interested in. I have been looking at theater internships around the country that would provide housing and a stipend while working and learning new skills. It would be a good experience but I am not sure it is what I want to do.
Anyways I just wanted to give a little update, I am a little behind on emails so I am sorry if you sent me a message and I haven’t answered yet.
Today’s topic of discussion is believing in yourself.
I want to start off by talking about a seemingly insignificant moment that happened this morning. I had just gotten out of the shower and I was busy drying myself off. I usually flip my hair over my head to dry it off since I have so much of it. While doing so I began to think about headbanging, which led me to think about how awesome I am at headbanging. From there my mind drifted to all the times I performed on stage and how awesome I looked, and then I realized, I have done some really impressive and awesome things. Just thinking about my past accomplishments inspired me to do something meaningful with my day.
Now, I haven’t made many updates lately so chances are you don’t know what has been going on in my life. Long story short my now ex-girlfriend and I finally broke up after a long period of decline that ultimately led to our undoing. She had been in Florida for at least 6 months and tension between us grew until we were practically at each others throats one minute, and absolutely in love the next. By the end both of us realized that the best thing for us would be to break up, to much chagrin. There was a period of several weeks where we split apart then came back together but it was not meant to be.
I am ashamed to say I have felt much better now that I am not focused on a dying relationship. I am still battling depression and a loss of self that has inevitably led to a lack of direction in my life. My current goals are to decide whether I want to go back to school for something other than sculpture, or start working. I realize now that pursuing a degree in 3 dimensional art was not the wisest of decisions because living life as an artist is not easy without some other form of financial support. For that reason I am considering going to school for something else, perhaps metallurgy or science.
I have not been completely useless the past 6 months. I’ve updated my Etsy shop with more jewelry and I am working on building my brand on the side. Which reminds me I need to make some business cards. It’s time I collected those 250 free business cards from Vistaprint.
That sums up the last 6 months of my life. I have applied to a few jobs and had one interview for a packaging position at an automation motion control company, sadly I didn’t get it. My problem with finding jobs is that I need something that interests me else I will get really bored and depressed.
The reason I just told you about how depressing my life has been is to show how even the smallest of things can lift your spirits and change your outlook on the day, or even your life. The challenge comes when that initial glee wears off and you start to slip back into the void. That is why it is important to surround yourself with or do little things that make you feel good about yourself throughout your day. If there is one thing I have learned from my years of therapy it is that no one thing can keep us afloat in the sea of emotions we call life. We need an arsenal of tools and coping skills(there is that word!) to stay above the surface. Think of coping skills as small floats that alone can’t support a person, but together can be used as a raft to navigate the choppy waters that surround us. Even if you only have a few floats you can always find more.
One way to develop these skills is to write down all the things you gain enjoyment from no matter how small or insignificant they seem. From there pick out some of the positive ones and incorporate them into your week. If you stick to your plan and they make you feel better, good for you! Keep going with them. If by chance they didn’t really do it for you, pick a few more off of your list and try again. It can also be helpful to hang your list somewhere where you will see it everyday as a reminder.
When I start to think about my guitar performances or the art I’ve made it makes me feel good about life. When you start feeling down try to think about the positive things you’ve done. Below is my first time playing on any sort of a stage at an open mic night. It isn’t the best performance but damn, my hair looks good!
In closing I just want you to know that you are all awesome, each and every one of you. No matter how shitty life is treating you or how bad your day is going, you truly are awesome, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.