Day 1249 – You are awesome!

Today’s topic of discussion is believing in yourself.

I want to start off by talking about a seemingly insignificant moment that happened this morning. I had just gotten out of the shower and I was busy drying myself off. I usually flip my hair over my head to dry it off since I have so much of it. While doing so I began to think about headbanging, which led me to think about how awesome I am at headbanging. From there my mind drifted to all the times I performed on stage and how awesome I looked, and then I realized, I have done some really impressive and awesome things. Just thinking about my past accomplishments inspired me to do something meaningful with my day.

Now, I haven’t made many updates lately so chances are you don’t know what has been going on in my life. Long story short my now ex-girlfriend and I finally broke up after a long period of decline that ultimately led to our undoing. She had been in Florida for at least 6 months and tension between us grew until we were practically at each others throats one minute, and absolutely in love the next. By the end both of us realized that the best thing for us would be to break up, to much chagrin. There was a period of several weeks where we split apart then came back together but it was not meant to be.

I am ashamed to say I have felt much better now that I am not focused on a dying relationship. I am still battling depression and a loss of self that has inevitably led to a lack of direction in my life. My current goals are to decide whether I want to go back to school for something other than sculpture, or start working. I realize now that pursuing a degree in 3 dimensional art was not the wisest of decisions because living life as an artist is not easy without some other form of financial support. For that reason I am considering going to school for something else, perhaps metallurgy or science.

I have not been completely useless the past 6 months. I’ve updated my Etsy shop with more jewelry and I am working on building my brand on the side. Which reminds me I need to make some business cards. It’s time I collected those 250 free business cards from Vistaprint.

That sums up the last 6 months of my life. I have applied to a few jobs and had one interview for a packaging position at an automation motion control company, sadly I didn’t get it. My problem with finding jobs is that I need something that interests me else I will get really bored and depressed.

The reason I just told you about how depressing my life has been is to show how even the smallest of things can lift your spirits and change your outlook on the day, or even your life. The challenge comes when that initial glee wears off and you start to slip back into the void. That is why it is important to surround yourself with or do little things that make you feel good about yourself throughout your day. If there is one thing I have learned from my years of therapy it is that no one thing can keep us afloat in the sea of emotions we call life. We need an arsenal of tools and coping skills(there is that word!) to stay above the surface. Think of coping skills as small floats that alone can’t support a person, but together can be used as a raft to navigate the choppy waters that surround us. Even if you only have a few floats you can always find more.

One way to develop these skills is to write down all the things you gain enjoyment from no matter how small or insignificant they seem. From there pick out some of the positive ones and incorporate them into your week. If you stick to your plan and they make you feel better, good for you! Keep going with them. If by chance they didn’t really do it for you, pick a few more off of your list and try again. It can also be helpful to hang your list somewhere where you will see it everyday as a reminder.

When I start to think about my guitar performances or the art I’ve made it makes me feel good about life. When you start feeling down try to think about the positive things you’ve done. Below is my first time playing on any sort of a stage at an open mic night. It isn’t the best performance but damn, my hair looks good!

In closing I just want you to know that you are all awesome, each and every one of you. No matter how shitty life is treating you or how bad your day is going, you truly are awesome, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.


About gingertrap

I am a transgender woman, documenting my experiences with hormone treatment to help educate other transwomen of their effects as well as the daily struggles of being a human being.

3 responses to “Day 1249 – You are awesome!”

  1. Sam Fret says :

    I’m still getting updates from your blog! Haha yay!

    I really like this post. It’s a great outlook, and it’s a valuable trait to be able to think about those little things that make you happy. You were always a really cool person, and a strong one too, for pulling through all the things that you have. I think it’s very easy to forget about that part of yourself that you really like (or want to be) when shitty things happen. We all put ourselves down from time to time, but it’s best to just realize what’s important- what *truly* matters- and just go ‘fuck it all!’ to everything else! Is it really worth being upset over *this* thing? If no, push that shit aside and go get some damn cookies!

  2. Jessica Lyn says :

    Been reading through you blog as I just recently came upon it. And linked to your blog from mine. Anyway, just checked out your Esty site.. I love those scale collars.. I made have to order one.

    BTW your hair is pretty awesome in that video!

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