Greetings and salutations my fine denizens.
I’ve been AWOL for a literally 5 days short of a year. Honestly things have been up and down pretty frequently but I am in a pretty positive state right now. Aside from work and the occasional social engagement I have been spending much of my time playing video games. There really isn’t time for much more when you work in theater. The good news is I am making several dollars more than I was last year and that means a lot when the owner is kind of a scrooge.
But I digress, I just wanted to let y’all know that I am still alive and kicking, I hate to make empty promises but I am going to try try TRY my hardest! *fingers crossed* To make more frequent blog posts. I think it will help get the thoughts out of my head and relieve some of my stress.
In conclusion here is the most recent Ask Abbey question I received, I think it addresses some legitimate concerns many of us face/have faced at some point in transition.
Q: So as we all know you get constant messages, I just wanted to ask a couple questions which I feel no TRANS chat site have answered or anything, I am currently going through electrolysis on my face, I’m about 20 hours in, I too am a red head so laser didn’t work and I wasted 10 months doing it to have little effect and it has put me at a broken point as now I am doing electrolysis 3 – 4 hours a week. I don’t have the confidence to present fully female like I used to due to my facial hair having to grow for treatment.
I have been on HRT for 7 months now so in my mind I feel I’m falling behind and it will affect my chances of SRS on my one year mark of HRT incase the Doctor feels I am talking steps backwards due to dressing in less feminine cloths for electrolysis but still present as SHE and BROOKE etc, if that makes sense.
I feel I’m in a bad state of mind. Will the hair go away? Will I be hair free? Am I going to be able to go back to presenting full time as myself?
A: Hello Brooke,
Those are all understandable concerns in your current position. First off since you are on HRT and actively going through your transition, there is no falling behind, When I was doing electrolysis I was only doing 1 hour per week. it is okay if things don’t go as fast as you expected them to.
When I started HRT I was gung ho to get on a full dose. As you may or may not know I had a set back and had to go off estrogen for a number of months and it felt like an eternity; but I got through it and looking back it really didn’t make that big of a difference. I also wanted to have had breast surgery, an orchiectomy, changed my SS, and change my passport by now but I still haven’t done those things. I get really upset about it and beat myself up for not motivating myself to get these things done but it is scary to make those unknown steps. It really is. Lately I have been trying to push myself and move forward with my goals, one step at a time.
Fact of the matter is I think having SRS after only one year of being on HRT is a bit soon, especially with all the changes you are going through. Waiting a little longer is not going to hurt your quality of results. But regardless of time frame you will absolutely be able to present and be yourself. Nothing can stop you.
Honestly it took me a long time before I was confident enough to present as female when I was alone in public. Hell, I still get nervous going into public restrooms and it’s been over 5 years. I don’t think you need to worry about falling behind.
I hope this gives you some peace of mind!
p.s. I really don’t get that many emails 😛
This is me on a trip into Boston shortly after dying my hair again. Even though I am a natural red head I like to make it extra red from time to time. My brother and I went into Boston to see our old High School perform “On the Verge” at the state finals of the One Acts Drama Festival. The theater teacher who works at the high school had a huge influence on both me and my brother as we passed through high school.
I am trying to get bits and pieces of my website updated as many of my pages are outdated. For example I haven’t touched my gallery in a year or two. Today I finished a much needed update on my breast development page. You can see my updated breast development timeline here (WARNING: Partial Nudity). I was pretty discouraged with my development until I saw my most recent pictures next to the images from when I first started. My breasts have grown a TON! Looking at my other timelines reveals that I have changed in many more ways than I thought.
I looked at this image of my facial hair before starting electrolysis and hormones and I cringed remembering what all that facial hair felt like. I still get facial hair, but I only have to shave every 2-3 days. That mustache and goatee are horrrrrible!
Anyways, I have been trudging through life without really doing anything. Weekly therapy, video games, netflix, and visiting friends is pretty much my whole existence right now. I have been selling collars on my etsy shop, which I got my business cards for! I am impressed by how well they came out. The cards themselves are durable and the detail looks wonderful. I am very happy with them. I opted for the premium double sided cards and it costed around $20-30, which isn’t too bad for 250 cards. You can get 250 for free from Vista Print. Check mine out below.
I am going to focus on my timeline pictures next and should have that up by the end of the week. In the mean time I am going to look at jobs and think about where I want to go from here. Depression has been beating me down lately and it is time I pulled myself out of it. The beautiful weather outside will definitely help. 🙂
After months of waiting I finally heard back about my name change and I have a hearing scheduled for the 13th of this month! After that I can go ahead and get a new license with my new name and an F marker, as well as change my name with the school. It will be such a relief to finally leave my old name behind and be recognized as Abbey by anyone, wether they be school officials, law enforcement, or my bank. I am very excited that I am finally making the next major step in my transition.
I am planning on taking a new set of measurements within the next week or two to see how my body has changed. Breast development seems to have slowed a bit, not surprising considering I’ve been on hormones for nearly one and a half years. I am considering gaining a little weight or increasing my fat intake to see how it effects my growth. My weight has been pretty steady at around 185 for the past year and I could probably do with a little more.
I recently read an interesting article about the use of progesterone in MTF HRT regimens. I was tempted to try taking progesterone myself but all the medical evidence I have seen points toward it having no effect on breast development. In fact the only information that is circulated is mostly rumors and misinformation spread by people who have no medical qualifications. Whatever your standpoint may be on the subject, you can read the article here. It’s only a few pages and is quite informative.
Dr. Richard Curtis seems like a respected member of the transgender healthcare field and works in a clinic in London. The clinic’s website can be found here.
Lately I’ve been getting back into making chainmail jewelry and I am going to try and actually sell some this time. I put in a big order from Theringlord.com that just shipped today and I am excited to get all kinds of colorful and rubbery rings to make beautiful bracelets out of! The necklace above is a piece I made last week after being inspired by another artist’s scale collars. I will probably post some more of my work once I get my new materials.
Anyways I hope everyone is having a great March!
Good news everyone! I have some big updates for my transition section. I have this new comparison to show how much my facial hair has changes, as well as an updated breast development timeline over in the breast development section. They are developing quite well and I am glad that are starting to have some mass of their own. I had been discouraged with the progress of my electrolysis as it continues to grow back time, and time again, but after seeing how much thinner and lighter it has gotten, I really am pleased.
The next thing I need to update is my development and weight chart. I keep putting it off because in order to do it I have to photoshop two excel charts together to show both sets of data. If anyone knows a better way to do this, please don’t hesitate to let me know!
Anyways this was my first week back in classes and things are going well so far. I overslept and missed my first day of class but luckily one of my teachers was out sick so I only missed my figure drawing class. My internship has finally drawn to a close and I kind of wish I had a little more time in the jewelry studio. I missed a lot of time during finals and I wish I knew it would only be a 3 month internship. That aside, I enjoyed it thoroughly and Jade Gedeon (the owner) is a wonderful woman.
There is not much new for me to say about living full time, things have been going great and I haven’t had any issues for a while. There is still some social anxiety, but more often than not, I am just over thinking things. Also, It has been quite a while since I posted any ask abbey questions, I’ve made sure I answered them all but I just haven’t found the time to put them on here. I will try and go through them this weekend and post my responses to the ones I think others may benefit from.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
It has been quite a while since I last posted an update and I apologize for that. Throughout the past month I have been overwhelmed with getting through my classes and finals, I was just too busy dealing with daily life to update my blog. However, I still kept track of my measurements and on the 6th I had another meeting with my endocrinologist. The appointment went well and my estrogen and testosterone levels are finally within female ranges. Here are my hormone levels and most recent measurements.
4mg Estradiol/200mg Spironolactone
Estrogen: 101.36 Pg/mL
Testosterone: 39 ng/dL
Prolactin: 11.1 ng/mL
Upper arm: 12.5
Under bust: 34.25
Natural Waist: 32.5
Weight: 185 lbs
As you can see, things are looking pretty good. My breasts are nice and round and are actually big enough to grab! My skin has become unbelievably soft (especially on my chest/belly). One thing I am really starting to notice is how emotional I can get now. I will unexpectedly start crying during movies when something touching happens, something I could never do as a boy. Earlier this week on the night before my chemistry final I broke down from the pressure and was all out weeping for 10 or 20 minutes. On the same day as my chemistry final I had to go in front of a court magistrate to contest a speeding ticket I got back in May (I will go into that in my next post), needless to say I cried nearly the whole way home. Though it is annoying at times, it is a big relief to finally be able to let my emotions out.
I spent last weekend in the Bronx and Pennsylvania meeting my girlfriend’s family during their annual christmas party. I had a great time getting to know them and surprisingly things went off without a hitch, and no one knew I was trans to boot!
I am going to end this here because I have a long day ahead of me with the family, santa is already on his way to my rooftop! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and spends some time with their loved ones.