I hope everyone else is having a good National Coming Out Day, maybe you even came out or know someone who did! For those of you who don’t know, today is a day observed by the LGBT community celebrating the simple act of coming out, Obligatory Wikipedia Link. I will admit I didn’t know what day it was until I saw a friend had come out on Facebook. I was later reminded of the fact when my girlfriend came out to me as being Panssexual. Initially I was a little surprised, but I already knew she was attracted to men, women, and hybrids (COUGH). Regardless it makes no difference in our relationship and I lover her and I am happy for her.
Anyways, I’ve been mostly occupied with school lately. I’ve gotten to the point in the year where all of my classes have their first big assignments due, ironically they all fall within a week of each other. I had my first speech and Organic Chemistry exam last week and this week I’ve got my first photo assignment due. I’ve got some nice landscape shots and I am enjoying the class quite a bit. Maybe I will scan some of my photography and post it here. I should probably post some of my art as well so you know a little more about me than the fact that I am trans.
Now to talk a little bit about how my transition is going.
This week marked my 12th hour of electrolysis. I can’t believe I’ve endured 12 hours of electric shock therapy! The hair on my upper lip is starting to get extremely fine and 4 days after I shave it is still hardly visible. The hair on my chin is still a bit thicker but they are all soft and blonde. By the end of 45 minutes she has to hunt for the smaller hairs to treat. I think I have at least 5-10 more hours of treatment before I get down to needing a very minimal amount of maintenance.
HRT is going well, it’s been over a month since I doubled my estrogen and I still feel fine. Breast development is coming along nicely, I think my right breast has passed the point of looking like a moob and actually looks like it belongs on a female. My left breast on the other hand, is still a little lacking. It is definitely filling out, but it is noticeably smaller than the other. Goes to show how uneven they grow. Though I can say that they itch and hurt quite a bit. You can feel any little think you brush up against, let alone bump into.
I am really starting to feel comfortable being full time at school. I haven’t had any incidents in the past month and a lot of the things I used to worry about really aren’t an issue. At this point I have no problems walking into the women’s room and that is a major step for me. Not only because of the controversy over trangendered people and bathrooms, but also because of the fact that it is a safe haven for women that I am being accepted into without refutal.
All in all things are going pretty well for me. I hope everyone else has a wonderful week and until next time,
I apologize for not getting this up sooner, I have been sick for the past week and I have been trying to edit a wheel throwing video I wanted to post. For now you get a picture of me shooting a banana. So instead of going out on my 365th day on hormones I went with my girlfriend and some of our friends to the ceramics studio and did some wheel throwing. I uploaded the video of me throwing below. It is a long video but I don’t think I did half bad considering I only learning how to throw 2 weeks prior. Don’t mind the gay banter in the background.
I have been really busy with school lately, especially photography. Today I spent 8 hours developing film and making prints in the darkroom. It is pretty exciting once you get the hang of it. This week we had our first speech due in public speaking but I wasn’t there because I was sick. I am pretty nervous about speaking in front of a class even though I’ve gotten a lot of confidence from living full time. There is just something unsettling about showcasing my voice which is the one part of me that I feel is the least polished. On the bright side, my teacher is extremely nice and my voice may actually get better from speaking in front of people. I may even do a speech about being transgendered and pull out my man voice.
Today I had my 3rd laser treatment, it looks like there is a little bit of reduction of the darker hairs. I will post some pictures to show the change soon. Things are continuing to go well since I raised my dose to 4mg of Estradiol, I haven’t had a ton of breast growth but they look and feel fuller. After a year on hormones my libido is significantly less than what it was before I started.
When I get some free time I am going to take a new picture to update my timeline so we can see how I look now compared to how I looked in the beginning. And on that note I am going to leave you and probably fall asleep on the couch.
A photo my brother took of Sam taking a photo of me taking a photo of the sun in the trees
I just wanted to give a quick little update on everything thats been happening. I have been pretty busy between classes, therapy meetings and my electrolysis appointments. Oh, and having a girlfriend, that DEFINITELY takes up some of my time!
All in all I am feeling pretty good about things, starting the semester as Abbey seems to have gone off without a hitch. I am consistently being maam’d and called by female pronouns all the time. I’m even starting to get used to using the women’s room multiple times a day. Though it is still weird seeing someone in the women’s room who used to know me as a boy.
Classes are going well, the two I am really excited about are Wheel-throwing and Darkroom Photography. I’ve already gotten some practice time in on the wheel and I’ve got a good 7 or so pieces done so far. I am working on a tea set I want to send to my cousin ella who is in Korea right now. I’ve shot one roll of film for my photo class already and I am excited to start developing them and seeing how my pictures came out. I am going to get really into finding some cool spots to photograph with the 35mm.
I have been gaining a bit of weight recently, today I hit 186 on the scale. For a while I was hovering around 180 but maybe the increased dose of estrogen is encouraging that extra weight. We will see how it effects my other measurements if it continues. For those of you who don’t know, I am literally weighing myself at least 3-5 times a week. My transition notebook is mostly full of my almost-daily weight measurements. I do this in hopes to capture as much data as I can.
On another note, my electrolysis appointment went well yesterday, it hurt like an angry raccoon but she managed to get all the thick and dark hairs. Hopefully it gets easier from this point on. We have weekly appointments booked all the way into December so lets hope I am mostly hair free by then!
Finally we get to the big thing I wanted to talk about, tomorrow marks my 1 year anniversary of starting HRT. I am pretty excited that I made it through one year already. It seemed to fly right by, and it seems the best parts are only just beginning! I don’t have anything special planned for the day tomorrow, I may go visit some friends of my girlfriend and hang out in Salem for the evening. I’m sure it will be a night to remember.
In my last few words I would like to thank everyone who has checked out my site, and especially those who come back to see what I am doing. It means a lot to me.
(Getting breakfast before my first class)
for those of you in school, I hope your first week of classes went well, and for those of you who are older or aren’t in school, I hope the swarms of college students haven’t completely driven you insane. I want to spend most of my time today talking about transitioning while in college, and some of the obstacles you may face, but before I do that I want to give a quick update on everything else in my life.
Last week I didn’t have time to see my electrologist so I am seeing quite a bit of re-growth. Tomorrow I will see her again and hopefully we can take care of most of it. Even though I’ve had 7 hours of treatment it seems to still be coming in at a steady pace which is slightly discouraging. If you need laser/electrolysis, start now. For someone with a full beard it could take upwards of 2-300 hours of treatment. The annoyance of being full-time and having to grow out my facial hair for Monday appointments is starting to set in.
Today I switched my estrogen prescription from CVS to Walgreens so that I could get a 90 day prescription in hopes of saving on my co-pay. Sadly my new Estradiol pills are small round yellow circles as opposed to the cool purple ovals I got from CVS. On the bright side, they seem to dissolve much faster when taken Sublingually.
With all that aside, I would like to talk a bit about my first 3 days of classes after going full-time and what they have been like. Last semester I was living part-time at school and was still going by my male name in most of my classes, but this semester I decided I would go to all my classes as Abbey. Before I get into the details, I just want to say that it has taken me a while to get to this point and to have the confidence to deal with the obstacles I will most likely encounter.
The first obstacle I encountered was the dreaded attendance list. I may be out to all of my friends and family, but the only thing my new professors have to go by is the name on their course roster which happens to still show my male name. If there is a way to change this without a legal name change, I do not know, but you are most likely to face this problem if you are in college. In preparation for this, I emailed all of my professors beforehand notifying them of my trans-status and that I would like to go by a different name. Of my 4 classes, I couldn’t find one of their emails, and another already knows that I go by Abbey, so that leaves me with 2 professors to email. One professor got the message and called me by the correct name, but the other must not have gotten my email and called me by my male name. It was a pretty awkward moment for me, but in reality half the class probably didn’t notice and this is something you need to be prepared for in the case that it does happen. I have since emailed her asking her to call me by Abbey in the future. Professors seem to be pretty understanding people. If you think about it they have seen pretty much every kind of person come through their classroom.
Aside from role call, I haven’t had any major incidents or been outed. Surprisingly I feel like I am being treated and accepted pretty well by other students. Naturally, one of the most awkward times is when I have to use the bathroom. I used the women’s bathrooms on campus on several occasions before, but never on a daily basis. After talking with a few girls in other classes and being treated as female consistently, I am becoming more and more comfortable interacting socially as a girl. It feels easier and more natural.
Sometimes it is the small things that really boost your confidence. Like I said earlier I was in a group with 2 other girls in class, and it felt good to have them refer to me as “her” and not make any inclination to the fact that I may have been male at one point. In another class I got paired up with another girl to work on an assignment and we surprisingly got along pretty well. On yet another occasion I was headed to the bathroom and as I was walking towards it a girl was coming out and she held the door for me to go in. It is extremely subtle, but by holding the door and expecting that I was going to the women’s room, she was in a way, silently accepting me as female. Despite all of these things being small in the whole scheme of things, they all build up to make me feel much more comfortable in living as my true gender.
What it really comes down to is confidence. Obviously there is an element of looking female, but once you have a somewhat androgynous/female appearance, what really determines wether you pass or not is your confidence level. If you are confident that you are female, and act as if you are, people will more often than not, accept you as female. My physical appearance has not changed too much since I started hormones, but my confidence level has greatly improved and so has my ability to pass.
As the school year progresses I am sure I will have plenty more to talk about, so keep your eyes open. By the way, it sucks having to use the women’s room. Half the time they are completely full!
And on that note I am going to leave you with a little something that has been a source of inspiration for me when I find myself in times of trouble.
I just got home from my endo appointment and it went better than I could have hoped. My mom and I arrived at the hospital a few minutes early and checked in by 12:40. After the nurse took my blood pressure and weight we sat in the office for a good 30 minutes. Why we waited so long I don’t know, there was barely anyone else in the waiting room. Finally after brainstorming some middle names lo and behold Dr. Safer appears. After going over my labs and having the usual chit-chat he said that there is no reason why I couldn’t double my dose of estrogen to 4mg/daily. I was pretty sure he would say 4mg, but all the anxiety that he might not have said 4 washed away. I am pretty excited about it. I should see some good development over the course of the next few months. 🙂
Also, last night I uploaded a gallery of all my summer photos, check em out!